January Q&A

On temperance, children, and weight loss

Hi again. Happy new year. I hope the transition to 2023 can foster your connection with a gentle and divine hope of new beginnings.

What could change for us if the mark of the new year became less about ‘fixing’ ourselves and earning our worth, and more about opening ourselves more fully (little by little) to knowing God and knowing our truest selves? I think the growth that would come from that mindset shift would be pretty remarkable. And yet, even if nothing changes about us this year, we are still beloved.

Of course, this time of year is drenched and dripping in diet culture. And as I sit here writing that line, I find myself chuckling as the first image that comes to mind is the sight of a soaking wet cat. A feline with fur slicked flat like rubber—smelly and grotesque, yet demanding our attention and stares all the same. The presence of diet culture (and this slippery, smelly cat) is unfortunately rather intriguing. It’s hard to look away from; it’s hard to not get caught ruminating on it. Point being: diet culture is overwhelmingly present right now, and it’s hard to not be impacted by it in one way or another. It makes sense if it's on your mind.

Rather than focusing this month’s newsletter on the general realities and harm of diet culture though, I wanted to challenge the pressure to fix our bodies more tangibly. I think a helpful way to do this is through practical and specific applications. Hence, the motivation behind our Q&A format today!

I really enjoyed getting to dive into the weeds in a way that just isn’t feasible over social media and day-to-day life. Let me know if you enjoy this style, and if so I’ll be sure to consistently work in these types of notes.

Bare in mind that this publication does not provide a substitute for clinical and/or medical intervention. My responses are for informational and educational purposes only. If you desire to dig into these topics through an individualized and clinical approach, please reach out for nutrition counseling services.
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Let’s go!


1.) How do you practice virtues of self-control and temperance while intuitively eating?

I love this question. And also it scares me.

I love it because it is so nitty gritty—touching on the intersection of spirit, body, and science in a way that is necessary and beautiful. But it scares me because it feels complex. With the focused spiritual element, I find myself nervous to say the wrong thing or interpret spiritual truths erroneously. I am, in fact, not a theologian or certified expert on Church teaching. I am still learning, studying, and exploring the integration of all of this.

I love God. And I love His Church. And I believe that Church teaching and the principles I teach are complementary. Studying my understanding of science, and nutrition, and bodies, and health, and holding it up to the lens of faith I cherish is important to me. That is always what I am striving towards. But I won’t always get it right.

So, I’ll offer my perspective on this question, while also acknowledging that I am still learning. I desire to seek truth, not just evidence for my agenda. And I think that is helpful to know.

There is A LOT to unpack here, though. Eventually, I’d like to dive even deeper into topics like temperance and gluttony, the body as a temple, spiritual fasting, etc., etc…..But for the purposes of this letter, I am going to try to be more concise.
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*side note, I am a Roman Catholic, so my perspective is informed by this reality. I know not all of my readers identify as Catholic, and yet, I think the majority of this content will feel applicable to all Christians*.

How do you practice virtues of self-control and temperance while intuitively eating?

Self-control is about the ability to choose the right thing in a particular moment. I would argue that it is about being so embodied–connected and aware of yourself as body and soul–that you are aware of your impulses, tendencies, emotions, desires, and needs, and are able to hold all of that while still having agency over how you respond. It is not about the punitive power to deny and chastise our bodies. It is not about proving your devotion or worth by forcing your body to deny the very things that it needs for survival (fasting from food and self-control are not synonymous–there is more to unpack here another time).

The “Why?” behind self-control is important. And I believe self-control is a virtue we are called to grow because it allows us to connect more perfectly to the will of God, which we were created for.

Similarly, the Catechism defines temperance as, “the moral virtue that moderates the attraction of pleasures and provides balance in the use of created goods. It ensures the will’s mastery over instincts and keeps desires within the limits of what is honorable.” (CCC1809)(emphasis added)

There are many good things that God gifted us for our pleasure and well-being. Our bodies are designed to notice, experience, and desire pleasure. This is not something we have to be inherently fearful of. Again, I think it is the tendency toward disembodiment (disconnection between body and spirit) in our broken world that distorts our relationship with good things.

All of this to say, I don’t think we have to figure out how to make intuitive eating more temperate. I think that intuitive eating is a fruit born out of a peaceful and embodied relationship with food and body. I think it is a fruit of temperance and self-agency.

The intuitive eater pursues a peaceful and embodied experience with food and body. And this peaceful relationship and integration naturally foster balance that honors the individual person, their neighbor, and their God.

Eating intuitively is about living out of interior freedom and recognizing that all food is acceptable, no food is implicitly bad or off limits, food is necessary, food is pleasurable, food is a gift, and partnering with your body to honor its physical and spiritual needs is essential.

With intuitive eating sometimes you will say “yes” to food (type, quantity, etc.), and sometimes you will say “no”. And those yeses and nos will be born out of peaceful, abundant freedom—not shame, guilt, or fear.

If you find yourself feeling out of control around food, it’s likely that there is stuff to explore with your relationship and rhythms with food.


2.) How do I teach my kids about food and nutrition in a peaceful way, when the world around them abounds in diet culture?

I think the most important thing you can do for your kids and their understanding of food and nutrition is to help them foster peace with it. More than they need you to teach them scientific principles about food, they need you to model a balanced and positive relationship with it. This intentional effort of living out a peaceful and positive relationship with food is the most powerful thing you can do to support your kid’s healthy relationship with it. They will consciously and subconsciously see it. And even when the world around them contradicts you at every angle, their core memories of food will be rooted in that secure and peaceful place.

It is also important to have direct conversations with your kids when the need arises. When you overhear a TV show start to label foods as “sometimes foods” and “always foods”, when your kid comes home asking for you to only send “healthy snacks” per the teacher’s request, when your kid parrots the phrases of others and says “broccoli is good for you, candy is bad”.....these are opportunities for you to gently guide their understanding of food. Keeping the conversation calm is important. Allowing them a safe space to ask questions is important. Staying calm even when their response is, “Well, I believe Doc Mcstuffins more than I believe you!” (words quoted by the daughter of yours truly *writer smiles humbly*) is important. Whether they seem to “get it” in the moment or not, these encounters will stick with them in a helpful way.

When I respond to the presence of diet culture with my own daughters, I often frame it in a way similar to this, “Some people are afraid that certain foods will hurt them, but we know that God created food as a gift, and we don’t need to be afraid of it. Different foods do different things for us, but all foods fit into a healthy diet.” And despite my eldest’s pension for trusting an animated stuffed animal doctor over me, I’ve also heard her repeat the phrase, “all foods fit” a number of times.


3.) How can I set boundaries with people who make hurtful/unhelpful food and body comments to my kids?

Setting boundaries can be uncomfortable and hard.

I think we could dive pretty deep into the function and necessity of boundaries, but this more generalized education would likely be more effective with self-research outside of this letter. If the concept of boundaries is new to you–or if it isn’t, but you want to read a great book to deepen your understanding—I highly recommend the book, Boundaries, by Christian psychologists, Townsend and Cloud.

Boundaries are personal needs that need to be identified, named, and protected by each unique person. The boundaries that are important for the health of you and your family won’t always be the same as mine. Keep this in mind. Still, through the lens of food, bodies, and diet culture, I often have common themes arise under the umbrella of “boundary-related issues”. I’m going to offer some examples of some of these common themes, with examples of ways to implement boundaries. The examples are limitless, but maybe some of these could inspire your own responses. Reflect on them and alter them to fit your needs.

A.) “My mom makes judgemental comments about the size and/or appearance of my kids.”

Mom, I know you love Lucy, but I’ve noticed that you sometimes make comments to me or even her about her size and/or appearance. It is really important to us to help Lucy foster a peaceful relationship with her body—which is actually very hard to do in today’s culture. Can you support us in this by refraining from making comments like this moving forward?

B.) “My parents make rules about how much my kids need to eat before they can leave the table/have dessert when we eat with them.”

Food Amount:
Oh, Mom and Dad, that is probably confusing for Peter because those aren’t the rules we have for him. We trust Peter to know when his body is full. We’re okay with him stopping when he says he is full.

Dessert:
Actually, Mom and Dad, we are okay with Junie having a cupcake with everyone else. If it’s on the menu, we allow it regardless of how much she eats of her other foods.

C.) My daughter’s school is asking her to label foods as “good” or “bad” (re: green, yellow, red; healthy/unhealthy; etc.) for school assignments.”

Letter/Conversation with Assigning Teacher:

“We appreciate your desire to support Luke in having a healthy understanding of food. We also value this. We have actually learned that labeling foods can cause a lot of harm to his relationship with food, and even his body. It’s really important to us to protect these relationships and keep them peaceful. We believe all food fits in a healthy diet, and we trust balance to naturally take its course through our family’s rhythms and behaviors at home. Given this, we do not want Luke to participate in this activity. We expect him to complete an alternative assignment as you see fit. Thank you for respecting our family's decision on this matter. If you are interested in more information and research backing our thoughts, we are happy to send some resources we’ve found helpful your way.”
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If you have individuals in your life that do not honor your boundaries, following through with a consequence for that violation is important. This isn’t meant to be punitive, it’s meant to be protective.


4. Are you Anti-Weight loss?

I am going to keep this one short because I have been so in-depth with the other questions. *Le-sigh*

No, I am not anti-weight loss. Bodies change sizes for many reasons. Sometimes they go up, sometimes they go down; often they are seeking homeostasis and aim to stay the same-ish size.

I am not anti-bodies doing what bodies naturally do throughout the life cycle. I am anti-dieting….meaning I think the push to pursue intentional weight loss generally causes more harm than good. It also, statistically, just doesn’t work.2,3

Given this, I focus on supporting women to reach their health goals independent of their body size. Yes, their size may change. But it also might not. We don’t have a lot of control over that outcome and our energies will be more effectively spent focusing on other factors.


5. I feel physically uncomfortable in my body (out of breath, thigh chafing, aching joints). Wouldn’t losing weight help me feel better?

Maybe? There are genuinely some impacts of varying body sizes that can contribute to discomfort. For example, one individual pointed out that since she has gained weight she now experiences chafing from where her thighs rub together. This is uncomfortable. This is worthy of seeking intervention to mitigate the pain.

But there are a few considerations that feel important to build this question off of:

1.) There are literally zero health conditions that people in larger bodies experience that does not also exist in thinner populations. Knee pain, thigh rubbing, heart disease, type 2 diabetes, poor fitness, cancer, high blood pressure, excessive sweating, and high cholesterol, all are present in both demographics. This tells us that having a lower body weight will not inherently protect you from these, or any other medical conditions.

Further,

2.) 95 - 98% of diet pursuits will fail. Less than 5% of individuals who strive to intentionally lose weight will be able to do so and/or keep the weight off for more than 2-5 years. Most will regain even more weight than where they originally started, as the body has protective measures to put forward in response to perceived famine (aka: dieting). This tells us that even if weight gain/higher weight has contributed to or exacerbated a particular condition, pursuing weight loss is just a really ineffective intervention.

How many of us would invest time, energy, money, and life into a treatment for….just about anything, really…that only had a 2% success rate? Particularly when potential the side effects of said treatment are horrendous?

This is why I am so passionate about moving our intervention and focus away from weight, and narrowing in on the actual desired outcome. What is it that you believe weight loss will give you?
We can work towards that regardless of your body size.

So to wrap this all up, would losing weight improve your xyz condition? Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe for the frustratingly short time stamp your body would allow you to hang out at a lower weight. But you are far more likely to find relief from your concerns by focusing on behaviors, not numbers. You do not have to wait until you are a smaller size to pursue help, healing, or health. You and your good body are worthy of it now.

*For those of us who struggle with body chafing, here are a few today fixes: anti-friction stick, thigh shorts

Resources:

This New Year, Lose the Weight of Striving to Change Your Body

Check out this article written by me for FemCatholic last January. The month of January is a breeding ground for diet culture, body dissatisfaction, and pressure to “fix yourself”. In this short piece, I point out the problematic nature of appearance-centered New Year’s goals and encourage you to consider an alternative option.

Nutrition Bite:

It is no mistake that my online work often has very minimal “tangible nutrition advice” in it. There are a lot of reasons for this….but chief among them is the reality that health and nutrition are highly individualized, and that prescribing black-and-white nutrition tips can easily lead to comparison, overwhelm, and shame.   

So when you hear me share guidance around food and nutrition, know that it is never “one size fits all”.....it is not a diet plan. It’s a general tip that leaves room for many individual layers to explore.

All that being said, I am commonly asked about the “basics of a healthy meal”. *again, noting my own uncomfortable tension at the statement, because, “healthy” is nuanced, and generally comes with a truckload of unhelpful associations*.....Still, there are some guiding principles that I do believe can be helpful, particularly because our intuition with food is often clouded by the clanging chorus of diet culture.

When I talk with clients about creating an adequate and optimal meal, I encourage them to look to add the following components to their meals:
- Carbs
- Fat
- Protein
- Color
- Fun

Carbs (bread, pasta, fruit, potatoes, chips, etc.) for the energy essential for our brains and bodies. Fat for delight, satiation, and a host of biological functions. Protein for blood sugar management and cellular repair. Color (often found in produce) to support adequate fiber, vitamin, and mineral intake. And fun for satisfaction, pleasure, and a body that feels nourished and secure. This is a snapshot….not an extensive list:)

If you aim for this a lot of the time (“perfection” not required), your body will likely be well-nourished. 

On My Mind:

“The person God loves with the tenderness of a Father, the person he wants to touch and to transform with his love, is not the person we’d have liked to be or ought to be. It’s the person we are. God doesn’t love “ideal persons” or “virtual beings.” He loves actual, real people.”

Fr. Jacques Phillippe, Interior Freedom



Business Insider:

Good Body Nutrition, LLC now has openings for 2023. If you desire to take the next step in your wellness journey and want the support of a trained clinician, working with me one on one may be a great option for you.

In my Nutrition Counseling practice, I offer virtual services nationwide. As a clinical dietitian, I support women all across the spectrum in their relationships with food.

If you would like to:

- Step away from dieting for good and feel confident in your food and movement choices
- Learn how to help your kids foster a healthy relationship with food and body
- Support medical diagnoses through gentle nutrition and lifestyle behaviors (ex: diabetes, high cholesterol, PCOS, etc.)
- Improve your body image and work towards body peace
- Have clinical support in your disordered eating recovery

OR work towards many other health and wellness intentions,

I would be honored to support you through a non-diet and compassionate approach.

For more information, visit my business website www.goodbodynutrition.com, and reach out to schedule a free inquiry call.