Food is More than Fuel
a case for emotional eating
One of the most frequent concerns individuals bring to me in my work is their struggle with emotional eating. Heck, this “confession” arises almost just as often when I am not in work settings and someone learns I am a dietitian by trade….I’ve learned to disclose my profession more cautiously at holiday parties and summer BBQs.
And that’s not because I don’t care about the stressors and struggles with food that people experience outside of my paid hours. But because the actuality of what it looks like to walk alongside someone as they explore their relationship with food is (an estimated) 5 bajillion times more complex than one might expect. Because when someone says to me, “I can’t stop eating my feelings…what do I do?”, I have many, many more questions I need to ask before I can offer ethical and effective guidance. Because, most of the time, I need to start by saying, “It’s really normal for our emotions to be present at the table with us. And that isn’t inherently wrong”.
But it’s hard to do all of that while I’m searching for the serving spoon I inevitably forgot to bring for my spinach artichoke dip at said social gathering, and also simultaneously watching my kiddos from the corner of my eye as they make a bee-line for Grandma’s china cabinet.
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In a quieter and more intentional space–without the pressure to find the silverware stash that everyone seems to put in precisely the wrong drawer–I’d invite the self-proclaimed “emotional eater” to reframe their perspective a bit.
What I would like these inquiring friends to know, what I would like you to know, is that emotional eating is a fundamental human experience. And it is a gift. We connect our emotions with our food, not because we are broken and undisciplined, but because it is in our design. We are whole, elaborate persons. Comprised of body and soul—and, yes—also hunger, and needs, and emotions that give us vital insight into our experiences in this world.
This reality of food as more than just fuel is demonstrated all around us. It’s evidenced in infancy, when, as small, frail, beautiful beings, we cling close to the breast of our mom, seeking food, and comfort, and nourishment of our body and soul. It’s evidenced in scripture, as the Word of God repeatedly uses food as a symbol of God’s goodness, glory, and holistic sustenance. And it’s evidenced in the oh-so-very natural disposition to weave food throughout the fibers of life–within our cultures, our traditions, our celebrations, and our grievings; as a gift of support and charity, as an instrument of connection and community. This is good; this is a gift.
We are not machines that require a pit stop for gas every 429 miles down the road. We are human, and while we do need food for the energy it provides, the really amazing thing about food and eating is that it nourishes us on so many different levels—as Dietitian Emily Fonsbeck says, “Let food do that for you.”
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This isn’t to say that the intersecting relationship between food and our emotions is never problematic–this possibility also needs to be explored. But if we are operating from the narrative that food is no more than the “nutrition” or calories we put into our body, we’ll likely never arrive at the peaceful, embodied experience of food that reflects the fullness of us–body and soul. This is why we need to start with understanding our beliefs about food and ourselves before we jump into “fixing” our emotional eating patterns.
But, Shelby, I Really Do Feel out of Control when my Emotions and Food Collide
It is normal and healthy for food and emotions to intersect, and, sometimes we can struggle with feeling out of control with food in response to our emotional state. This experience is real, and it is really uncomfortable. And there are real interventions to work towards healing this struggle.
It is important to understand though that the problem is not that you have ever connected your emotions to your food, or that your emotions and life experiences have ever influenced food decisions. The trouble arises when you are so disconnected from or overwhelmed by the emotions you experience, that one of the *only* ways you know how to cope with or express them is through food.
In my clinical practice, I often talk about the ‘toolbelt of skills’ to help manage difficult experiences in life. What skills and tools do you have that help you confront and tend to your heartbreak, overwhelm, anxiety, anger, loneliness, sadness, and fear? If food is the only tool in your toolbelt to deal with schtuff (my word for, “the shitty stuff in life we all experience in one form or another”)…..that’s likely going to leave you feeling out of balance emotionally and physically.
Sometimes, food experiences and choices are motivated by difficult emotions (and happy/celebratory emotions too!). And it makes sense that sometimes we choose comfort food in response to this. This can even offer temporary relief from the aforementioned difficult feeling. But, food won’t fix any feelings. It won’t solve the problem. And you will have to deal with the source of that painful emotion.
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And therein lies the key: can you allow yourself the freedom to integrate your life experiences and food, while also taking critical steps to identify your feelings, reflect on the vital data they are providing you, and take action to meet your needs in lasting and effective ways?
When your heart is broken and you are lonely and fearful of the future, sitting with your grief on the couch with some rich fudgy ice cream may be quite soothing. And, can you also identify what you need moving forward to tend to your heart and ensure life-giving relationships with others? Can you stay connected enough to your body to hear and honor it when it says, “okay, that’s enough. I’m satisfied.”?
When you are desperate for some space away from the constant demands of caring for others’ needs, and you just want something special for you—that festive and trendy latte can be a fun pick-me-up! And, can you also identify and name your need to your partner for consistent, private time to do things that rejuvenate you? Can you stay connected enough to your body to recognize that coffee isn’t a meal and that your body needs more nourishment than caffeine can give?
When your kids are back in town for the holidays and you deeply desire to share your gratitude and care for them, preparing an abundant and delicious meal can be nostalgic and connective. And, can you also communicate your love to them directly, without relying predominately on food to send this essential message? Can you make space for your loved ones to stay connected to their bodies and say, “No more for me; I’m full.”?
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If you find that you are consistently struggling to express and manage emotions without relying heavily on food, reaching out for support could be a great option. A trained clinician who practices from a non-diet and Intuitive Eating approach will be essential for many reasons. For instance, a frequently overlooked cause of “emotional eating” is actually related to restrictive eating patterns that fuel a physiological response in the body to seek out food–often quite frantically and mindlessly. Working with a provider that has expertise in nurturing peaceful relationships with food will enable you to work together to evaluate food patterns and closely consider what factors may be contributing to your experiences.
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When your relationship with food, your body, and your emotions are healthy and balanced, there is a natural and rich converging of these different parts of you.
You do not need to pursue sterile and emotionless eating. But you also don’t want to be dominated by your emotions–with food or otherwise. Learning to navigate the intersection of our emotions and our food has a lot more to do with learning to know yourself and your needs, and a lot less to do with creating rules and restrictions around the food that you’re eating.
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Think I could fit this message on a napkin by my spinach and artichoke dip at my next social event?
Me neither. But I am glad I can share it with you here.
Wishing you a Christmas filled with peace, joy, and lots of delicious food! A weary world rejoices.
In Closing—I need to hear from you!
Next month’s newsletter is going to be Question & Answer style. I need to hear your questions about all things food, body image, nutrition, weight-neutral care, my counseling approach, and whatever else feels prevalent!
The questions can be general, or even a bit more descriptive of a specific scenario (I can almost guarantee others will resonate with your personal questions!). Of course, I cannot provide medical nutrition therapy or counseling via a public newsletter, but I can walk you through my general approach to your questions, and overarching themes to consider.
To leave a question for the newsletter you can:
- Send me a private message on Good Body Nutrition’s Instagram
- Email it to me at shelby@goodbodynutrition.com
- Post it as a comment on this newsletter
Don’t be afraid to send several questions:)
Resources
Desiring to start off the new year seeking to make peace with your body? If so, I highly recommend this book. Breaking Free from Body Shame is a beautiful book that explores body image through the lens of Christianity. “The truest thing about you is that you are made and loved by God. And the truest thing about Him is that He cannot make bad bad things”. This is my top recommended book for clients I am supporting with body image struggles.
Nutrition Bite
“I have a tendency at holiday parties to eat until the point I feel miserably sick. Why can’t I control myself in these settings?”
There are numerous factors that could be contributing to an experience like the one described above, but here are a few of the most common and most powerful factors I see:
1.) You aren’t eating enough leading up to the event:
“Saving up” for the holiday feast by skipping other meals predictably leads to entering the experience over-hungry and less capable of mindfully enjoying the food that is available. When your blood sugar is low and your brain is desperate for energy, your body will push you to eat quickly, and often more than what is comfortable. Don’t skip meals!
2.) Your body and mind are in the “last meal” mentality:
Otherwise known as “Diet Starts Tomorrow Syndrome”. If you have plans to start a diet after the holidays, the vacation, the baby is born, etc….your body and psyche start to prepare for famine. And they do that by filling up as much as possible while the diet chains are still off. This is particularly prevalent if you have a repeated history of dieting and restrictive eating.
3.) Your body isn’t habituated to these types of foods:
If you have a list of foods that are off-limits except for the occasional “cheat day”, your body develops increased taste and reward stimulation to those forbidden foods. It makes them more chemically “exciting” to your brain, and can lead to “out of control” experiences with them. Consistent–and specifically, guilt-free–exposure to these foods (i.e. habituation) allows your body to become familiar with them, and fosters a balance of mindfulness and pleasure in these food experiences.
On My Mind
Your Neediness is a Nativity.
By KJ Ramsey
O Christ,
You who came not in power but in need
of protection, give us imagination to see
our neediness through your nativity;
that when we feel hopeless we might
remember God needed to be held
and when we hate our own hunger
for things to be less hard we might soften
at the sight of your tiny hands reaching
for your mom, needing to be fed
and so rise with your Spirit, indignant
at the industries and institutions that
shame humans into believing we must be
less than you were, determined to bless
vulnerability as the birthplace of the
love that will save the world.
Amen.
Business Insider
The Litany of Body Peace was a prayer I wrote to encourage gentle reflection on the state of your relationship with your body, as well as an invitation to the freedom and peace God offers in and through your body.
It’s a prayer that speaks to my own story of struggling to accept the body God gifted me to house my soul, and it’s a prayer that feels helpful even now, years into recovery. I pray that it will be a small source of respite for many who encounter it.
The prayer card is available for sale on Etsy for $3. Bulk discounts are available, and it has delighted me beyond measure to hear of women buying these cards in bulk to give to their loved ones at baby showers, wedding parties, and the like. *Shout out to Jessamyn*, who gave me the original inspiration at the FemCatholic Conference to offer these prayer cards as gift bundles. Thank you, Jessamyn!