Body Trends
and the female pressure to be smaller than your partner + life update
Hello, Readers!
Longtime, no newsletter. Sorry about that! If you follow me on social media, you may have seen me post a life update (albeit, a rather vague one) in which I shared that, due to some recent happenings for our family, my capacity for “extras” was just really…..small. Unfortunately, this also includes content writing for my free newsletter. I love to write, and I love to offer free education to help individuals foster peaceful relationships with their food and body. I plan to continue to invest in those values. But naturally, some seasons will allow for less of that. And as it turns out, this is one of those seasons.
To add some context, We have been navigating some medical concerns for one of my kiddos that was pretty encompassing and scary for a while. Praise be to God, there has been some hopeful resolution to that process, but still not total resolution. Added to that mental load, my husband and I are expecting another baby–which is good and joyful news! But friends, I am sick. And bone-achingly tired. Almost always simultaneously. And between the daily vomiting and exhaustion, my body, and brain, and emotions are weary and need extra space for rest.
I share all of this for a few reasons. One, because I am grateful for each individual that spends their precious time reading my words, and I want you to know what to expect with my content as is feasible. Two, because I want to live out the messages I so often share with my readers and clients: “Your body is good. Your body is worthy of honor. Listen to your body and what it needs.” And right now, my body needs extra rest. So I’m listening to it, and honoring it. And, as always, I invite you to do the same.
Good Body Notes isn’t going anywhere, but the frequency and consistency will likely be different for a season. Thank you for your understanding. Thank you for your prayers! And with that, let’s dive into today’s topic.
*edit to add: it has been a few weeks since I wrote the above *my restful pace continues*, BUT I did want to share the encouraging news that I am feeling far less sick, which my heart and stomach are ever so grateful for:)*
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Body Trends
And the female pressure to be smaller than your partner
As I looked at the woman before me, I could see the water swelling along the edges of her lids even through the grainy computer screen. Her voice choked as she said, “I weigh more than my husband now.” And with the proclamation, the tide broke and two streams of glistening shame rolled down her cheeks.
Her experience, though clearly painful, is not surprising to me. This shadowy fear is whispered and named commonly in the work I do as a dietitian. This fear of having a body bigger than our partner’s—this fear of having a body that is somehow wrong. Her pain is real and deep, and the fear of its presence is probably understandable to most of us. But why? Why does the comparison of our bodies to that of our partners hold such power over us? Why are we so bound by fitting our bodies into a specific “idealized” mold? The answer is multi-faceted and complex, and I think it’s one worth exploring.
History of the “Ideal” Body
Our culture is obsessed with size, and it has become entwined with our identities. In a well-written article by CNN, Emma McClendon shared a poignant image of this identity crisis. As the organizer of the Fashion Institute of Technology Museum’s exhibition, “The Body: Fashion and Physique”, McClendon describes the overwhelming experience of exhibition visitors repeatedly asking for size comparisons of the displays.
“People come and always want to know what size something is…Whether it’s contemporary or 19th century, they want to know what size it is or what size it would correlate to, or what measurement it is…”1
I believe that in this grasping for extraneous details, we can see the way people want to use other persons, other bodies, as a way to understand themselves. “What size was the woman wearing this 19th-century gown?....How do I compare to her body?...How do I measure up?”. Which connects to the overarching question–”How do I understand my value as a woman and person in this world?”
It seems that we–particularly as women–have rooted our understanding of worth in the culturally-constructed “ideal” body. Which, to be fair, is not all that surprising when we consider that the pressure to conform our bodies to societal standards has existed for centuries and is present and reiterated in nearly every aspect of life. And yet, for thousands of years, this image of the “female ideal” has constantly evolved.
It is likely that natural diversity of body size and appearance has always existed, but the tendency to depict “woman” through a narrow (though evolving) mold seems to be a prevalent storyline throughout history. Some of the earliest known depictions of the female body are the “Venus Figurines''. The small statues are an estimated 25,000 years old and represent a notably large-bodied and curvaceous woman. Many scientists point to the Venus of Willendorf (seen below), as a representation of the “idealized female beauty of the Paleolithic era”.1
Artists continued to portray the “ideal” woman as curvy and voluptuous through the 17th and 18th centuries, with varying focuses and iterations. But with time, came a sharp swing of the pendulum and the glorification of “thin, young, and waifish” figures. Gone were the corsets, but only to be replaced with new (and equally constricting) focuses on diet and weight loss programs. It was during this same period that the first epidemic of eating disorders among women was recorded. 2
But alas, the mold of “woman” didn’t solidify even here. Instead, it has continued to morph and twist, and in every era, there has been continued damage to the women trying to keep up.
Defining Beauty, Femininity, and Partnership
When we consider the longstanding history of the female pressure to fit the mold, it just makes sense that our tendency is to equate our body’s appearance to its worth. But this is not truth. As women, we must step back and open our hearts to the reality that it is not the culture that has authority over beauty or worth. It is the Creator of beauty that holds dominion over it. It is He who defines it, and oh how vastly He does.
He paints beauty in every aspect of our world and far beyond it. We see this in the immensity of the stars, the knowledge of universes, the intentionality of delicate dew drops on summer blooms, the delightful knot forming in your chest at the sound of a baby’s laugh, and the sky’s canvas brushed by a sunrise that takes your breath away. Beauty is seen. It is felt. And its definition is made known in our souls. God has a lot to say about beauty….He has remarkably little to say about the thinness of our thighs.
“...man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart”. 1 Samuel 16:7
The goodness of your body is not conditional. It just is. Right now. And the beauty that God wove into creation—the beauty that He wove into the fibers of your being and complexities of your soul—do not disintegrate with the inevitable changes your body will (repeatedly) face. Yes, attractiveness changes and fades. It is fleeting. The definition of it is constantly changing. But your beauty is much deeper than this. And your femininity is too.
But we so easily attach current social values to our identities–this is made all the more prominent in the social media era, in which women are curated and defined by hashtag-able labels: “the stay-at-home mom”, “the working mom”, “the gluten-free female”, “the woman who wears only beige”, etc. etc. etc. But, while some of these labels may be relatable to our lifestyle choices, none of them makes us more or less valuable. And none of them define our womanhood.
And this too includes the God-designed diversity of body size, color, appearance, and ability. The appearance and size of your body do not make you a better or worse woman. The appearance and size of your body do not make you a better or worse partner.
What does strengthen your role as a partner? Your ability to see the belovedness and goodness in your partner. Your continual pursuit of growth in your communication skills. Your intentionality to see your partner in their individualness…..to appreciate it, value it, and create space for them to live it out. Your prioritization of relational safety over being “right”. Your commitment to willing their good. Your desire to love them well and walk with them toward sainthood….these are behaviors you can cultivate to be a good partner. Your body size is not. And in fact, bitterly rejecting the body you have, viciously fighting to make it something else, will likely only become a barrier to a flourishing relationship. Shame does not leave much space for love.
Female Physiology
And to bring all of this to a close, I’d like to end by sharing some of the scientific information that backs the historical, social, and emotional concepts we explored above. Sometimes these “data points” can be helpful tools to remind yourself that cultural dialogue often does not equal factual truth. Sometimes they can be an onramp for self-acceptance and compassion.
Some Facts to Reflect on:
- Body fat is essential to life.3 It provides energy, it stores essential nutrients, it is a major component of brain tissue, a structural component of all cell membranes, and it provides protection to internal organs and insulates the body against the cold. We all need it.
- Women biologically need more body fat than men 4; not all women need the same amount to function optimally in their body (likewise for men)….but statistically, physiologically, women need more fat on their bodies than men to support their health.
- Women’s bodies gain weight easier 5; this is a biological function to support the above biological need.
- Women’s physiology and cellular fat structure easily lend themselves to cellulite 6; this isn’t a health concern, it’s a structural reality. It’s normal; it’s predominantly influenced by genetics. And it’s okay.
*there are conditions that attack loose connective tissue and can intensify the appearance of cellulite in the body (Lipedema). Treatment is necessary for Lipedema. But cellulite in and of itself is not pathological.
- You can be in a large body and have thriving physical and mental health 7
Resources:
This song by Ellie Holcomb.
I think this music and these lyrics are beautiful to pray with.
Check out the link for the story behind her song.
Nutrition Bite:
Similar to cultural fashion styles, nutrition can be….trendy. This is a topic worthy of a newsletter in and of itself, but for today’s purposes we are taking a quick look at a recent Food Fad:
Probiotics
Now to be clear, probiotics DO have evidenced-based benefits to our health and wellness. But, did you realize that what research is actually showing us is that the measurable benefit of probiotics is very specific to individual needs?
So if you’re struggling with gastrointestinal distress, picking up any Joe-Blow probiotic off the shelf won’t necessarily do much of anything to improve your symptoms. And in fact, they can commonly make those symptoms worse. Supplements–probiotics included–can be an incredibly helpful tool to support our health. But they are also messy (not well regulated, and heavily commercialized for financial benefit), not to mention that the cost of supplements adds up FAST.
It is very possible that you are on a litany of supplements that aren’t doing much for your health….but are burning through your cash. The best way to know what supplements would optimally support your health is to work with a dietitian. Scheduling even a one-time session to talk through your supplements and receive guidance is an option through Good Body Nutrition.
But if that doesn’t feel like an option right now, I highly recommend doing some research on the probiotic strains you are taking to evaluate whether research shows that they are connected to the benefit/outcome you want.
On my Mind:
“When we treat our bodies as projects, we miss out on the abundance God already has for us in our here-and-now lives.”
Jess Connolly, Breaking Free from Body Shame
Business Insider:
(Surprising my mom and dad with a gender reveal at Easter this year)
The Hirschman Family behind Good Body Nutrition is pregnant! And, *plot twist*, we are welcoming a baby BOY. Big sisters, Emelia and Felicity, are ecstatic. We all are:)
Baby Hirschman is expected in late September, which means we are preparing Good Body Nutrition for maternity leave!
Currently, I am still taking clients that require less extensive clinical support–so things like starting body image coaching, intuitive eating counseling, and low-level Medical Nutrition Therapy. For my clients needing higher levels of care (e.g. clinical eating disorder recovery support), I can refer you to other providers, and/or add you to the wait list for when I return from maternity leave. Don’t hesitate to reach out via email to discuss your needs and available options for support at shelby@goodbodynutrition.com